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Five Things NASCAR


Hello, Maroons! I’m Ol’ Mr. Fez, and I offer my advice on the world and the people in it. Today, I talk about a subject near and dear to my heart: NASCAR. It’s no secret that so much as admitting you watch NASCAR gets you labeled a redneck. Even with major TV deals and famous drivers, NASCAR is the laughingstock of American sports. So, I’ll offer my 10 bucks (my thoughts are worth much more than two cents) on how to bring NASCAR even further into the mainstream.

  1. More road courses. This one’s obvious. If a joke is that your series is just turning left, go more places where they turn right. Pretty simple.
  2. Big name sponsors.  Quite a few major companies are represented on race cars: Mars, Pepsi, McDonalds, Anheiser-Busch, and 3M to name a few. But, can you imagine the money that would roll in from a Coca-Cola, Google, or Warner Bros sponsored machine? How ‘bout a Wal-Mart… on second thought, Wal-Mart would set us back 50 years. But still, Fortune 500 companies on sponsors.
  3. Foreign races. NASCAR is seen as American as obesity and two-party systems to most of the other world powers. If we’ve given other countries our football and national pastime, we can give them our racing. Plus, they’ve done it before: NASCAR’s lower series (Nationwide and Camping World Truck) have run races in Canada and Mexico, and in the 90s, NASCAR ran exhibition races in Australia and Japan. Take the new exhibitions to Europe, make the F1 purists cry.
  4. Put the spotlight on the underfunded teams. One of the biggest stories this year was when Redditors from the NASCAR and Dogecoin subreddits raised 55 grand to sponsor Josh Wise, driving for the little-to-no-budget Phil Parsons Racing, for the May Talladega race, and then followed that up with voting him into the Sprint All-Star Race. And while we’re on the subject to spotlights, stop the damn Danica focus. Yes, she is a female driver; but she’s mediocre at best, hold off on the press shower until she actually wins a race.
  5. More foreign manufacturers. Only three companies: Chevrolet, Ford, and Toyota, currently run cars in NASCAR. Since the year 2000, only two others have been in the sport: Pontiac, which departed in 2003, and Dodge, which returned in 2001 and left again in 2012. When Toyota arrived in 2007, there was backlash and many unfortunate comments from owners. Now, if other foreign manufacturers such as Ferrari or Volkswagen tried to hop on the NASCAR bandwagon, the press blitz would be off the charts! It’d get NASCAR on CBS, ABC, and countless other networks that don’t touch NASCAR outside of tragedy.

These things would put NASCAR on the tips of everyone’s tongues, it they’d do it a lot faster than any Chase-shake-up, young gun, female driver, schedule change or new rule package, Mr. France.

But what do I know?