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How to Survive the Current Zombie Apocalypse

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Christy Blevins

Editor-in-Chief

 

Zombies are attacking. It’s us against the virus now. With crazy zombies running around downtown, you might want to know how to survive the new apocalypse. Before now, everyone always hypothetically had a plan on “How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse,” but now it is really happening. I mean, seriously, look outside, zombies are everywhere! On the television, in the alleys, trudging from class to class on Mondays and Fridays and every day in between.

So how are you going to survive the current apocalypse? Well, for starters, you might already be a zombie. So, if you are, stop reading and just go back to searching for brains. But if you aren’t a zombie, that means, for now, you are a survivor and you need more tips on how to survive longer.

Tip #1: Stay on campus. No, really. I know that all zombie shows and research tells you to move around to different locations, but this is the prime spot. RC campus is located in a small town with not a million people in it. The campus is full of locked dorm buildings and a convenient construction site to grab zombie-fighting weapons from.

Tip #2: Stay hidden indoors as long as possible. Even the roof could work. Don’t venture into the horde of zombies unless you are making a necessary food run. Why risk getting eaten if you don’t have to? Just because you want to get some fresh air? Fresh air is overrated; besides, it probably smells like rotting corpse by now anyways. The dorms are locked without a key or swipe card, not unless the zombies break down the doors (highly possible if they are in a horde) or have a key card attached to their body, I would venture to say you’re pretty safe in the dorms.

Tip #3: When inside, barricade the other doors to whatever floor you are on. It’s just common sense. Make sure you have loud booby traps, too, to alert you if a zombie makes a sneak attack on you.

Tip #4: Stock up on food after the zombies start meandering towards the city of Roanoke. Survive on your bottled water, water fountain water, cheap college kid ramen, and snacks…for now. Soon the majority of the zombies will have eaten most of the town (except you, because you were smart and stayed inside) and moved on. Then, it’s time to grab a pointy stick (or other sharp object) and make a quick run to the closest food store to grab some supplies. I mean, try the gas stations or places you wouldn’t first think to find food. Those places are less likely to have been raided.

Tip #5: Don’t try to find your family. As sad as that is, it always leads to demise in zombie movies and shows. So, I think we should learn from this now, because I’m looking outside and I don’t see a safe way to get to my car and run over zombies and drive 3 hours to home through big cities full of more hungry undead.

Tip #6: Be quiet. Simple enough.

Tip #7: Accept the fact that you might get bitten. And then you need to not convince yourself that you weren’t. Do not continue to hang out with your survivor group. No. Go and join your new…friends?

Tip #8: Find some way to have fun. I mean, you could stake out in the gym and use all that equipment and get ready to fight zombies, or you could stake out in your locked dorm room where the zombies can’t even see you, and play card games…the choice is yours.

Have better tips for surviving the zombies? Tweet us (the surviving Brackety-Ack staff) @RCbracketyack with your ways to help others survive! And remember, never trust a zombie!