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How to Stay Single for the Rest of Your Life

Photo Courtesy of Google Images
Photo Courtesy of Google Images

By Anonymous


We are encroaching on the single most important day in the month of February: Valentine’s Day.

As stores decorate their aisles with 50 shades of red, candies that leave taste buds completely satisfied, and as the amount of couples multiplies on campus faster than bunnies, the single people tend to feel a little left out.

However, I am here to help you embrace your lack of a significant other. In fact, these strategies for future dates will help you continue the excellence that is your single life.



  • Make sure your date knows that the person you last dated was much more attractive than they are.
  • Don’t shower or brush your teeth for a full week before your date (you could go longer than a week for maximum impact, but keep your personal health in mind). If she can’t accept you at your worst, she doesn’t deserve you at your best. Besides, girls love that rugged man scent.
  • Always wait at least 72 hours to reply to her text. She needs to know that she’s not your first priority.



  • Constantly hint to your crush how single you are and how unhappy you are about that fact.
  • A good topic on the first date is where and when you see yourself getting married. Include every Also, be sure to say how many kids you want and the names you’ve already picked for them. He needs to know that you are committed to him from the start.
  • Be sure that when you text him, it is in paragraph form and details everything about your day. The more emojis the better, because he needs every indication of your emotion to better understand what you want.


All in all, as you watch happy couples confess their love to each other over teddy bears and chocolates, just remember that being single has many perks, and together we will survive February 14.