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Blatant marketing ploy going exactly as planned

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Photo Courtesy of David Hall

Article Written by Mackay Pierce

 

Students and area residents are enthralled with a new addition to campus as the Virginia LOVE statue has been capturing hearts this week.

“It just makes me feel good, you know?” student Ashley Parkins said.

Area families quickly migrated to the monolith. Parents have spent hours in meaningless conversation with other parents just for a chance to ignore their children whom were engaging in semi-reckless behavior. “It makes me think of all of the things I wish my area represented but do nothing to actually bring about” area mother Linda Sanderson remarked.

College officials could be seen beaming nearby, clearly convinced that the statue was a pretty big deal. “It’s just so nice to have something that so easily generates good PR in this time of heightened political awareness…Wait, is this offensive? Young people like this don’t they? DO YOU LIKE IT? DO YOU?” College PR official who goes solely by Terry told officials before a violent emotional breakdown.

The structure hasn’t been all good news for the college, however. Student Kris Michaelson was injured Tuesday during a spate of good weather at practice for the college Frisbee team. He injured himself by striking his head while diving through the “O”. “You gotta really lay out when you’re slingin’ mad d, ja’ feel?” Kris’s medical team do not expect a full recovery.

The addition has even caused campus WiFi to crash under the weight of Instagram posts of campus individuals dressed solely in pastel colors posing in front of the statue. “They’ve been out there for hours,” IT technician Harry Quentin said. “One by one; it’s like they are on a schedule. How many sororities are there, anyway? Oh Christ, here come the high schoolers for prom photos,” Quentin said before rushing off.