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Enthusiastic Pledge Defaces Fintel

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Written Joe Krzyston

Consumed with discernable purpose for the first time in his entire life, one freshman is on a mission to carve the letters of his fraternity onto *every* *single* *desk* on the top two floors of the library. The freshman, a young man from Maryland, is a pledge at one of the fraternities at Roanoke College, and he is determined to use the most effective possible medium to communicate the superiority of his new social milieu.

“Yeah,” said the student, “I just feel really strongly about this group of guys, and when I see a desk, it’s a blank canvas, upon which I feel strongly compelled to express my affection. Some of them have been marked with other letters, and I take that as an act of aggression. If I see that, I’m definitely going to carve a snide comment into the desk. Why? Because of honor! Because of principle! Because it’s there!”

When asked about his plans for the future, the overeager pledge said something about wearing his father’s old blazer with one of three solid colored ties in his possession. Then he took another moment, scratched his head, and looked at the walls and ceilings of the library with a glint in his eye.

“Look man,” he said, scratching his chin, “the world is my oyster.”