Written by Joseph Krzyston
Thursday, Joe Krzyston, editor of the humor/opinion page, hopped on a plane to see his friend in Wisconsin: there was only one problem.
“That massive buffoon totally forgot we had a newspaper to lay-out!” said editor in-chief Emma Grosskopf. “He gets paid for this and everything, and he totally just forgot. What an idiot!”
Krzyston was hard to reach for comment, as he was busy exercising a hard-won twenty-first amendment right at thirty-five thousand feet. Eventually, we managed to get ahold of him while he was enjoying a layover in Chicago.
“Look,” said the embattled editor, “your best friend doesn’t turn twenty-one every day, and it’s not but a hop, skip, and a jump from Roanoke to Ashland, Wisconsin, situated gracefully on the shores of the mighty Lake Superior. The Brackety-Ack, venerated institution that it is, should be just fine without me for one issue. It’s not like I was a particularly helpful employee, anyway.”
This last statement was confirmed in a follow-up interview with Grosskopf, who mostly held her head and groaned.
*This absolutely happened in real life- sorry guys!