Dear Sue: “Guilty”
My girlfriend and I have been dating for several months now and we’re both really happy. In the first week of us seeing each other I was involved with another girl. It was more than a fling at a party, but I didn’t consider myself to be “in a relationship” at that point. Since we’ve been exclusive I haven’t been with anybody but her. Should I tell her about the fling?
A lot of people have one night stands that they regret. A lot of people have cheated. It’s good that you feel guilty and you haven’t done it since. That may sound heartless, but it shows you do care about your girlfriend.
By the sound of it you haven’t had much, if any, contact with your fling since then. It might be the best to keep it that way. You want the decision to tell your girlfriend to be on your own terms, not somebody else’s.
If you honestly didn’t think you were exclusive at the point with your current girlfriend, then you’re not to blame. Sometimes at the very beginning of a relationship it may not seem the same to both parties. One may see it as a full on committed relationship or just testing the water.
At this point it’s probably just as good not to tell her. It was an honest mistake that you wouldn’t have done if you had thought the two of you were going steady. But if you feel that bad about it then you may as well choose to tell her. Bring it up carefully though, when people think they’ve been cheated on they tend to overreact.
You could be coy and say that it wasn’t until your first kiss (or whatever random event at the beginning of your relationship) that you realized you had eyes for only her. Or you could be totally blunt, while defending yourself, and just tell her in the first week you saw someone else at a party.
No matter what you say you can’t know how she’ll respond. Hopefully she’ll see your side and won’t be angry, especially because it happened so long ago.
~Sue Z. Maroon