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Dear Sue: “Fanged Out”


Dear Sue,


I’ve been having a great semester so far, but recently my roommate has been freaking me out and it’s starting to reflect in my grades. She has been sleeping all day and goes out at night, which wouldn’t be a problem except she makes a lot of noise when she comes back early in the morning. I’ve also noticed she hasn’t been eating a lot. In fact, she’s only been drinking a thick red drink that I’m pretty sure is blood. I might be going crazy, but I think my roommate’s a vampire. Help, what do I do?

– Fanged Out


Dear Fanged Out,

First of all, you are not crazy. It may seem surreal, but vampires have been around since the dawn (or dusk) of time. But don’t immediately reach for garlic cloves and stakes. While it may be a lot to take in, it’s probably really hard on your roommate too. It sounds like you guys got on pretty well beforehand, and the transition is sure to be much more difficult for her, especially if she has no one to talk about it.

Try making things easier for her by clearing the room of garlic and making sure to keep the blinds closed. Then make it very clear you are there for her, no matter what. The last thing you want is an angry vampire in your room. I’m not saying you should open your veins for her or offer to be her own personal blood bag, but you don’t want to create a hostile environment.

Once she knows that you are aware of her transformation and won’t freak out or tell anyone about it, talk about boundaries and reestablish room rules. You won’t touch her blood; she’ll be quieter when she returns in the morning. It’s possible she’s been struggling with newfound superhuman strength and just hasn’t gotten used to closing the door quietly. If your first conversation is not screaming in terror, but a calm and collected discussion about how to coexist peacefully, it will be easier to talk about it in the future.

Also, never assume you know anything about vampirism. If you have questions or concerns, ask your roommate. It’s awkward if you assume she can’t stand to touch a crucifix and she catches you throwing out her favorite necklace when it doesn’t harm her, or that sunlight burns her, but she just sparkles.

– Good night!

Sue Z. Maroon