Home Section D - Opinion The Sexperts: Valentine’s Without a Valentine  

The Sexperts: Valentine’s Without a Valentine  

Photo Courtesy of Google Images
Photo Courtesy of Google Images

By The Sexperts


So it’s February 14 again, and Cupid’s arrows have neglected to find you this year. Spending a holiday designed for couples and romantic love can be difficult when you don’t have a significant other. However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a lot that you can do to have a great time on the day created to remind you that you will probably die alone (except for the 11 cats that you will adopt).

First, I always find that drowning my sorrows in good chocolate and even better red wine is a very cathartic experience. Once you have accepted your fate as a loveless individual, you can then see that there are better things out in the world for you. Just because you don’t have a partner doesn’t mean that you cannot reap the benefits of sex. You have two best friends that can help you out: your left hand and your right hand. Don’t discount sex toys either; they’re a great way to fill the sexual void.

Remember your other single friends too. They are probably also realizing that they will be racking up a collection of cats rather than lovers, so spend some time with them this Valentine’s Day. Galentine’s Day is February 13 and was created by the intrepid Leslie Knope. It is the Valentine’s alternative for you and your gal pals to spend time together and have a great time day without worrying about your lack of love, and celebrating your independence.

Likewise, I like to think I coined the term “Palentine’s Day” to spend with your guy friends and remind yourself that your friends are probably uglier than you.

Even though you might be flying solo this February 14, just remember that you are not alone. There are plenty of people that have suffered through seeing their friends being happy and sappy with their partner since Hallmark first commercialized the holiday. You can spend your day still have fun without a significant other. Most importantly, you are a strong, independent robot, that don’t need no emotions!


Position of the Week: The Ambidextrous Cockatoo