Dear Sue: “Fighting Roommates”
My roommate and I are best friends. We’ve lived together the past two years with no problems, but lately we’ve been fighting a lot. I still love her to death, but I can’t stand sharing the same space or being dragged along to parties anymore. How do I confront this problem without hurting my friend’s feelings?
You may feel like a bad friend bringing this up to your best friend. If you two have been fighting, she likely has something she wants to work out too. It’s better to work it out and come to a resolution then not bring up your problems and let them fester. Don’t ambush her; tell her you want to talk and try to resolve any specific problems you may have (for example: her playing loud music or moving furniture around at three in the morning).
You have a few weeks left of school to try and work out any problems before winter break. If, by the end of exam week, you still don’t think you can live together, go to residence life and explain that one of you needs to switch rooms. A lot of people don’t come back for the spring semester, so it’s very likely that a room will open up, and one of you can move. If not, revisit the “roommate agreement” and rework it so that it works better for what you both want.
The party problem is a whole ‘nother can of worms. Parties can get old really quickly if they’re not your scene. If you still want to hang out and drink with her (assuming you’re both legal age, of course) suggest you invite friends to hang out in your room. Having a small, personal party can be a lot more fun than being in a house with a beer-soaked floor and a lot of strangers. Don’t make her give up her parties if she likes them, though. You can hang out with other friends on the weekend and leave the partying up to her.
Whatever happens, don’t grow apart just because you aren’t living together anymore. Still keep the normal schedule of meal times, mall trips, study dates, etc. that you used to have.
Good luck trying to work everything out!