Dear Sue: Forever Wallflower
I’m trying to figure out if I should keep pursuing this guy I’ve had a crush on for a while. I took him to one of my sorority date events, but I can’t tell if he is into me or not. I think he’s really cute and he’s stayed the night a few times, but I’m always the one to contact him, and even when I do he takes forever to respond. His friends say he’s just a really shy guy and never uses social media, but I can’t help but wonder if he just isn’t trying because he just doesn’t like me. I’m not one to give up, typically, but I also don’t want to seem obsessed. Should I keep trying to break his awkward and shy walls or just give up entirely?
I’m going to start this off harsh and I apologize. But, to quote the famous book, and maybe the answer to your question is that maybe “he’s just not that into you.”
Which, as a person who faces rejection often, really sucks. I get it. But it happens.
Not all guys are going to want to run off into the sunset hand-in-hand with you. Just like how you don’t want to date every guy that is into you. He may be too nice to flat out reject you, but if you have to chase after him, then I can tell you from experience that it’s not a race you’re going to come in first.
While his friends say that it is just because he is shy and awkward, that doesn’t really matter because it is just an excuse for his insensitive behavior. If that is the case, though, and he does have feelings for you, do you really want to date someone who is too awkward to text you first? The answer should be no.
This is the time in your life where you can be picky about whom you invest your emotions into because even though one person may not work out, there’s another one right around the corner. While I’m not saying that you should make the guy chase you, there needs to be effort put in from both sides. I see people settling all the time in a relationship that doesn’t actually make them happy because they’re putting in all of the effort.
There should be a sense of friendship and fun in a relationship that comes naturally. If having a conversation with him already feels like pulling teeth, then I would say forget about him. He isn’t the one for you.
Besides, relationships are best when they aren’t forced. Just because you are lonely, doesn’t mean that you should jump at the first person thrown at you. Wait it out and be cool. Someone will come along that tickles your fancy and responds to your texts. I promise.
Sue Z. Maroon