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RC Rock Actually Just Golf Ball Covered in Paint

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Joe Krzyston
Section Editor

One night shortly before break, Dear old Roanoke’s Underground Network for Knowledge and Sedition (DRUNKS, for short) tore a sheet of paint off of the storied Roanoke College rock, which towers over eight feet above people who walk between Wells and the patio at commons, and has long been a fixture on campus. The top couple of inches came off easily, but the explorers were met with a surprising reality.

“We kept chipping and chipping at the paint,” said a member of the urban exploration collective, speaking under condition of anonymity. “We were peeling off layers and chipping at it and whatnot, but it just kept coming. At first, we were like ‘Woah, this is a funny thing that we’re doing,’ but after a while it got really serious. We eventually brought in a small team with pickaxes and wheelbarrows to cart away the paint… We couldn’t believe what we found at the end of it all.”

What they found at the end of their toil was a golf ball, a Slazenger 7 believed by historians to have been driven from the administration building to its current resting place by David Bittle, Roanoke College’s first president.

“This is an amazing find,” said an area historian, “and indeed, underneath over a hundred years of paint lay an astonishing record of our cherished institution’s storied history, and of David Bittle’s poor long drive.”