Written by Shamira James
Lucky you, you’re gettin’ laid! I’m sure all your friends are super happy that the guy or gal you’ve been eyeing for a long time is finally deciding to do the horizontal two-step with you. But, much like everything in life, there is an unwritten code on how to do things with some class. So when you’re mattress-dancing with your boo, just remember your bedroom and (bedside) manners.
Love Thy Neighbor and Their Ears – Lord knows the walls are thinner than paper on this campus. No matter if you have cinder block or drywall, your neighbors can hear EVERYTHING. Unless you make it a rather quiet affair, then you’re doomed to be the whisper talk at lunch the next day. There’s no real solution, but there are ways to show effort. Play some music over your rendezvous. It might be violating the quiet hours, but at least your neighbors can judge you while hearing some 90s R&B (Boyz II Men – I’ll Make Love to You).
It’s Showtime, How are the Lights? – Let’s face it! No one is getting jiggy with any type of overhead light glaring down on their naked and exposed body. Not only is it unflattering in almost every sense of the word, but it doesn’t exactly set the mood. If you can’t bear to dirty dance in the dark – your safe bet are string lights. They are evenly distributed in the room, a lot more dim and definitely more flattering. (The absolute best color is a combination of blue and purple).
Beware the Bed – Bed risers are a college hero. The more you need to fit under your bed, the more bed risers you need. Suddenly, you’re little coat closet room becomes a Narnia of sorts with extra nooks and crannies. Now you’re sitting up high on four bed risers and life is grand, but how are you and your honey going to do the hanky-panky when you’re nearly five feet off the floor? What if you make it with a rather tall lady or gent? The twins XLs only offer SO much wiggle room. Just get creative with other locations, to avoid anyone falling or not having enough room.
Everybody Clean Up – Imagine this! You two are walking back to your room to start rocking and rolling but when you open the door you guys are greeted with piles of clothes – both clean and dirty, an overflowing trash bag, half finished Cavern cups and LORD knows that what’s in that bowl is you had cereal in a week ago and never finished. This tip is simple: CLEAN YOUR ROOM BEFORE YOU GET BUSY!