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The Ole Switcheroo: Five Tips to Shake Up Your Love Life

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Written by Emma Grosskopf and Shamira James

Are you in a relationship rut? A drought? Unfairly not getting any action from anyone? Is it looking bleak for your love life? Well, have no fear. Here are a few ways that you (yes, YOU!) can change your approach this season and maybe, just maybe, find what you’re looking for!

  1. You Always on That Damn Phone
    1. If you’re caught in the Tinder swipe cycle, try looking up from your phone. While it’s a relatively fun and easy way to meet new people, you might have better luck finding someone who isn’t a Salemite with a tattoo of his dog’s face if you get off the apps and hit the town.
  2. I Ain’t Got No Type
    1. Everyone tends to have a type. So maybe if your type happens to be douchey athletes, try your hand at something a little different. You never know if your next Lover Boy could be in the Math department, Theatre RC or published in On Concept’s Edge. Broaden your horizons.
  3. F R I E N D S
    1. This is more of a how-to-survive-at-a-small-school tip, but look past your friend group. That way, you eliminate any overlapping crushes or awkward brunchtime conversations with your other friends. Keep in mind that friend groups can fall apart as quickly as they form, and you don’t want to be the reason for that just because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.
  4. Less Romphouse, More Coffeehouse
    1. If you always ask your People of Interest to come over to do the same thing, that may be contributing to your rut. Instead of always asking your potentials to come over and “watch a movie” (come on, we all speak the language!), maybe ask them to coffee or out for a smoothie first. Break the ice with a more casual setting than “Let’s turn on Netflix for 20 minutes until we are otherwise occupied.”
  5. Love is Blind
    1. Honestly, stop acting like you’re too good to let your friends set you up. If you have a close friend or two who you really trust, then see if they can help you break out of your funk. They might see something in someone that you may be missing, so let them take the wheel. Or, you can leave it to the professionals and try your luck on WRKE’s Hour of Dates with Kaelyn and Destinee. You never know what could happen!

The Swipe Out: All Swiped Out

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Written by Shamira James

Here we are, my very last column. I’m not even gonna lie; I’m holding back tears writing that because there’s a complete stranger sitting across from me. I’m sure if I told him why I was crying, though, he would get it. For crying out loud, every experience at Roanoke College I’ve ever had – any class that I’ve been late to, any reading I didn’t do and any meal that I got too out of hand on the fries with – is coming to an end, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. Four years is both not long enough but also just the right amount of time. I’ve made memories in almost every corner of this campus, and whether it pops up as a memory on Snapchat a year from now, or I’m walking home from work one night and something just reminds of it, I know I’ll never, ever forget this place. So, in honor of the last time you’ll read something I TOTALLY DIDN’T write the night before BA layout while sitting in the Trexler computer lab, I’m gonna spill the tea sis:

  1. I sit in the back room because of all the eye candy back there – guys that play sports might suck, but I’ll be DIDDLY darned if they aren’t something good to look at.
  2. If you’ve ever walked past my table and wondered “Were they talking about me?” we probably were, but there’s a 92% chance it wasn’t something mean.
  3. I’m sorry, but assigned seats are something that I don’t think will change. It’s a way to keep order amongst the chaos, but also don’t act like some martyr just because you hate assigned seats. It’s not that deep.
  4. @ ALL SPORTS TEAMS: CLEAN OFF YOUR TABLES AND STOP BEING PIGS!
  5. To any skinny little girl that has brushed past me without saying excuse me, you should know that the good Lord saved you from getting snatched up by your over-dyed hair – SAY EXCUSE ME!
  6. There’s a Commons worker that makes everyone feel uncomfortable and not to be this person, but I hope they don’t have a job here next semester.  
  7. Commons poops are a very real thing, and I’ve been a victim of it my entire four years here.

Thank you Roanoke College and the Brackety-Ack for giving this city mouse a place in the South to call home. It’s been an honor and a pleasure to be the most obnoxious aunty to everyone. Whatever stage you’re at in your four-year journey, for the love of Rooney, make it beautiful, make it iconic and make it count. Ladies and gents, I’m all swiped out.

This Sapien Survived

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Written by Lorin Brice Hall

This has been a long and tiring semester. I feel stupid and dumb and tired and foolish. That was how I felt the entire semester. But now I know that that is not true. I am not stupid. I have worth. I can solve problems. I can do things. My friends trust me and I trust them. I am so excited for this summer. I am so excited to hang out and make memories. I can’t wait to be productive. I can’t wait to have fun. I can’t wait.

I love learning at RC. I am so excited to keep learning over the summer. I can’t wait to make money. I just feel alive and ready for the future. The future is not to be feared. The future is not scary. It is not trying to trick you. It is not a trap. It is a natural evolution. I will evolve with the future. We are more than the sum of our parts. We are better then one stupid paper or a presentation or whatever academic thing is defining you as not worthy of whatever.

Human beings are not failures. The summer will remind us all that. Homo sapiens are a species that ruthlessly survives and wins. Our primitive monkey selves will keep shuffling down the evolutionary coil until we meet God. We are too far along now to give up.

Give Your Winter Wardrobe an Upgrade

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Written by Alexandra Gautier

Out with the cold and in with the new! We can officially say goodbye to the winter weather (thank God), which means that we also have to say bye to heavy coats, boots and scarves. To make this transition a little easier, here are some tips to allow you to keep wearing your favorite pieces without having to buy a whole new wardrobe.

If you have a cute sweater you want to wear, pair it with a some shorts or a flowy, spring-y skirt. If you still want to wear jeans, be sure to wear a short sleeve shirt. The general rule of thumb with this fashion forward approach is to even out your look with heavy and light items. Still want to wear your Doc Martens during the warmer months? The same idea applies. If you can even out these heavier items with lightweight clothing on top, there’s no need to pack them up and put them in storage until fall comes back around.

Winter clothes are generally dark and dull, so start integrating a few pops of color into your outfit. By adding a bright necklace, light scarf, or pair of shoes of a bright hue, you can perk up your look. If you are feeling a little bolder, start reaching for shirts or pants in pastels.

It’s finally entering white jeans season, people! This piece automatically makes your look spring-appropriate, even if you are donning a light sweater of some kind. Throw on a pair of strappy sandals and you are good to go.

You can now enjoy the seasonal changes (despite the pollen count) in style.

Rooney’s Season Roundup

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Written by Kaelyn Spickler

Though our spring athletes are still practicing hard in preparation for their final games and ODAC tournament runs, the Brackety-Ack would like to congratulate the spring seniors on a season well done, and a great four years.

Baseball has quite a line-up of seniors. Outfielder Scott Ellis; infielders Dean Hermanson and Cody Shell; pitchers Cam Eck, Nick Raulin, Ethan Delahunty, Kenny Mackovic, Ben West, and Matthew Franklin; and catchers Gus Rose and Robbie Edwards will all be missed next season.

Pur softball team will be missing a number of ladies. Pitchers Teresa Wagner, Courtney Oliver, and Emily Salsberry; Catcher Briana Nardone; and Infielder Kate Priester will be moving on to the next phase of their lives.

Men’s Lacrosse will be losing faceoff John Heckler, midfielders Tommy McAleer, Drew Minchew, Daniel Medvetz, Dylan Stein, Brendan Devane, and Matthew Litner; defense Burke McManus and Ladd Griffin; attack Peter Lindley; and goalkeeper Ian Davies from their roster next year.

Women’s Lacrosse is celebrating these seniors: attackers Sarah Kroneberger, Jenn Schwechheimer, Maeve Healy, and Katie Clements; defense Emma Boris and Savannah Dorn; midfielders Lainey Decker and Hannah Taylor.

Men’s Tennis is saying goodbye to one senior Alston Martin.

Women’s Tennis is losing a pair of their ladies- Arabella Goralski and Kelly MacCluen.

The RC men’s track and field team consists of three seniors: middle distance runner Kevin Elliot, middle distance runner and high jumper William Pankey, and distance runner Timothy Shay.

The women’s track and field team includes four seniors: Mara Briggs for the high jump, and throwers Jennifer Calascione, Grace Carll, and Lexi Denning.

We would like to send a special congratulations to last issue’s Rooney’s Senior Athlete, Jennifer Calascione on breaking a record, and an apology for spelling her name wrong.